Face to face with your own mortality

Death scares me--more so now that I have a kid. But recently, my OA (over acting) self was faced with my own mortality when I had to undergo a breast ultrasound, supposedly for a lump felt by the doctor during our annual physical exam.

Now, I was too busy to be in hysteria, but I was scared. And while waiting for my turn at the ultrasound room, I was thinking--life really is short and we should all be prepared for it.

I don't know much about making a will yet and all the legalities that come with it, but here's what I was thinking of as I sat at the clinic:

* I want my son to be in the care of his father, provided his father will bring my son to my mother and sister's place at least once a month. I want my mom and sister to be actively involved in the upbringing of my son.

* To my husband, I will not forbid you to remarry but please not during the one year mourning period. And please, please find a wife who will love my son enough for me not to get up from where I'm buried.

* For my son to be raised in the house I so love and for my husband not to use what is our room as his and his wife's room. You can take the third room and my son can use our room.

* If I get to leave some money, I want it all saved for the use of my son.

* I want my son to remember how much his mom loves him so please show him pictures and videos of me. And make him read this blog, too as soon as he is old enough.

Okay, before people think I'm dying-- let me clarify I am not. Not yet anyway because we're all going to get there on our own time. The ultrasound, though not read by the doctor yet, says normal.

The lump must just be milk.

I am still breastfeeding, by the way.