After a month of not feeding from me, I can finally say my 33 month old is finally weaned.
That should have had an exclamation point at the end if I typed this several months ago. But writing about it now just makes me sad.
I feel a big part of our mommy-baby bonding was centered on him going to mommy for the comfort and the sustenance that my milk provides. And that is something only I can give.
I am selfish but it came with the guilt of being a working mom. I leave my son to the able able care of an aunt and my mom during the day but at night, my son only craves for me because of my milk.
A few months before weaning,I so wanted my life and routine to be back to normal: normal reads going out with friends, staying out late sometimes and so I tried to wean him early last year. My say was he’s been breastfeeding for a long time and he’s had the nutrients one can get from bfeeding. And so the verdict was set: wean from mommy’s milk. And my method was sour--I put calamansi juice on my breasts.
He did reject my milk that time and I was triumphant. But that quickly turned to guilt. I erased all traces of the calamansi and made a peace offering. He rejected me again and opted for the bottle. The only time he took me back was that night, when he unconsciously put up my shirt and latched on as if nothing happened.
I remember how I used to chide my son for being the biggest baby to use the breastfeeding room at the malls—how I get the surprised looks when I mention I still breastfeed my son. But how I crave for those same moments now. My son says yuck every time I offer him mommy’s milk.
My only consolation is to know that my baby is thriving—and gaining independence and as a parent, my role is to encourage that new found independence and nurture him, although in a different way this time.
*My baby breastfed from me exclusively until the 11th month. He was mixed fed until he was 32 months old.
1 comment:
Hi Leslie,
I can sooo relate! I breastfed Lucas until he was 27 months old. As it is challenging (with pumping at work and during business trips), I would always complain to hubby how I find it all so tiring. Hubby would always say, our target naman is 1 year lang na exclusive di ba? We are way past that so wean mo na siya. But the moment I think about starting to wean him, my resolve weakens and ayan, direct feed pa rin. I just had to wean him when I got a very bad case of gastritis and my medicines were not good for him. Sometimes I still feel sad na I had to stop (which is weird di ba? because reklamo ako before) but iniisip ko na lang na it doesn't make me less of a mom naman. And siempre, I am now more free in a sense that I can do more things now that I stopped breastfeeding na.
So chin up sis :) Saludo nga ako sa iyo because you breasfed Jared for almost three years. But I can understand how you feel.
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